Llama Mia
by Random Guise
Summary: There is a running gag during the opening credits of the 1975 movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" involving pseudo-Swedish and moose before it changes abruptly to llamas and then isn't mentioned again. This short picks up that thread. I got these characters in the lost and found in translation department.


**A/N: This short takes place during the beginning to the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". The movie has a running gag where pseudo-Swedish is used during the opening credits, morphs into a discussion about moose and then gets abruptly changed to llamas. In the spirit of the movie, after this original story you get the same story after it has been translated from English through Spanish, Italian, Polish and Russian before returning to English again. Some people say "It loses something in the translation", but in this case it might actually gain something as it goes along...  
**

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Llama Mia

Juan Valdeza put down the handset on the telephone. "Dios Mio. I'm ruined" he said.

"What is it?" his secretary asked from her desk on the other side of the small office. With a full-time staff of three, Jorge's Animal Kingdom didn't require a large office to run its operations of providing both domestic and exotic animals for various clients.

Juan was slow to answer, still stunned at the turn of events. "I've spent two months calling in every favor, pulling every string in order to amass the largest collection of llamas on the continent and now they've cancelled the epic motion picture 'Adolph the Herder' set to shoot in Argentina. With no picture, they don't need the llamas anymore. None!" He buried his head in his hands.

Rosalina took a paper from a tray and looked over it; it was an inventory of what they had managed to gather. She went down the list as she read aloud "Forty specially trained Ecuadorian mountain llamas, three spotted Gordo llamas from Paraguay, six Venezuelan red llamas, 144 Mexican whooping llamas..."

"Only 142; two of them came down ill and couldn't be shipped."

"What did they have?"

"What else - Whooping cough."

Rosalina continued "And even the newly discovered Tiara de Fuego crowned llama. There are also 36000 battery llamas, whatever they are. That's quite the collection."

Juan looked up. "That one is a typo. It should be battery-powered llamas, used as props. But all of our money is tied up in those animals...you just can't rent them out on the weekends for birthday parties. _Having a quinceañera? Make it special with a llama!_ See...it does not work**_. _**And to speak nothing of the time I have already spent to train them!"

"Maybe you could sell them for meat" Rosalina offered.

Juan looked aghast. "Meat? I have given names to some of them already; it cannot be done. Some have been specially trained not only to be herded on cue, but to also direct other llamas to behave properly. I've even managed to teach a few to move around a camera dolly. We shall have to let our partner Stan know when he comes in that it will be our last day. There is nothing left but to send all the llamas back go back to working in the fields."

Juan stood up and walked over to face the wall. A pre-production poster of the movie sat framed on the wall. A dark-haired, narrow-mustachioed man in a rather severely stiff uniform stood at attention as his llamas paraded in front of him on a vast green plain. Juan took a marker from his pocket and inked out the part of the poster that said 'Coming Soon'. He considered pulling the poster down, but it would leave an empty spot beside the poster for the movie "Throw Llama from the Train".

The phone rang, but he did not even flinch at the sound for it could not get worse.

Rosalina answered the call. "Yes, it is...yes, we do...last minute change of plans? No, we don't have any moose...no...no...we do have llamas, though...lots of llamas, senor...yes...certainly, allow me to get Señor Valdeza on the line." She pushed the hold button. "Boss! Señors Gilliam and Jones are on the line; they are making a movie in England and need all the llamas we can provide. Do you want to sp..."

Juan was picking up the phone before she even finished the question.

The End

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**A/N: Based entirely on the opening credits even before the first scene. When my friend and I saw this in the theater, we didn't know what to make of the credits but knew we were in for quite an experience with our first Monty Python movie.**

**Jorge's Animal Kingdom was saved.**

**_And now the mangled United Nations version_**

Mia blade

Juan Valdez hung up on the phone. "Dios Mio. I'm broke," he said.

"What is it?" he asked the secretary at the table in front of the small office. With three staff members, the Animal Kingdom of Jorge did not need a large office to manage the supply of pets and exotic animals to various clients.

Juan reacted slowly, still astonished by the turn of events. For two months I had been collecting the largest collection of Lamas on the continent, and now they have cancelled the epic film Adolf Gerder, which was to be filmed in Argentina. No picture, they don't need a lama anymore. No! He buried his head in his hands.

Rosalina took a sheet of paper from the tray and looked at it, it was an inventory of what they had collected. She got off the list, reading loudly: "Forty specially trained Ecuadorian mountain lamps, three Paraguayan coastal lamps, six Venezuelan red lamps, 144 Mexican lamps.

"Only 142; two were ill and could not be sent.

"What happened to them?

"What else...? Nightmare.

Rosalina continues: "And even the new Tiara, just discovered by Fuego, crowned the blade. There are also 36,000 battery blades, whatever it is. A good collection.

Juan looked up. "This is a typo. It should be battery-powered blades used as accessories. A quinceañera? Do it deliberately with a blade! You see... it doesn't work. And not to mention the time I've already spent on training!

"Maybe you could sell them for meat," Rosalina suggested.

Juan seemed scared. "Meat? I have already given a name to some of them; it is impossible. Some of them were specially trained not only to hold themselves together, but also to behave properly in other llamas. I also managed to teach some of them how to move around in a cart with a camera. We have to tell Stan's partner when this happens to be our last day. "All we have to do is send all the blades to work in the field.

Juan got up and headed for the wall. The pre-production poster of the film was placed on the wall in a frame. A man with dark hair and a narrow mustache, dressed in a pretty tight uniform, was on guard when his llamas were passing in front of him in a huge green plaintiff. Juan pulled the marker out of his pocket and engraved part of the poster with the inscription: "Soon he will come. He was considering taking the poster off, but that would leave a blank space next to the poster in the movie "Blade ejection from the train".

The phone rang, but he didn't even slip when he heard the sound, because it couldn't get any worse.

Rosalina answered the call. Yes, we're changing the plan at the last minute? No, we don't have an elk... No... No... no... No... no... no... No... no... no... No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... We have a blade, but... a lot of blades, señor... Yes...we have a blade, señor... yes... Yes, of course, let me get Señor Valdez in touch. Press the service button. "Boss! Senators Jilliam and Jones are online; they're in England, and they need all the llamas we can get. Do you want to...?

Juan answered the call before he even finished his question.

The end

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**A/D: Completely based on open loans before the first stage. When I saw it with a friend in the theatre, we didn't know what to do with the subtitles, but we knew that we would have a good experience with our first film, Monty Python.**

**The kingdom of Jorge was saved.**

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**_See? While the first story was perhaps marginally entertaining, the experience was enhanced greatly through the modern miracle of translating website software. Isn't technology wonderful?_**


End file.
